Difficulties as Inspirations for Improvement

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Despite the fact that I used to score the highest in my class, I was weak in English among my mates up to class 8. In class 9, I realised that I need to work hard on this subject for better SLC result. I worked hard and improved satisfactorily, which ultimately gave me a score of 82 in English in SLC exam. This mark convinced me that I am not weaker than other English school students in this subject. But I was proved wrong when I stepped into my +2 classroom.

I hadn't lost my confidence even on the first day of my +2 life because I was with one of my best schoolmates on the way. I was successful to keep that level of confidence in the first class, only because it was a Nepali class! After that, the confidence level began gradually sloping down. It took me a whole year to realise that I was very weak in English and another whole year to get myself into the track being inspired from the difficulties I encountered.

            Following the suggestion from my school's headmaster, I had joined English medium classes. The four subjects except Nepali used to be taught in English. As a result, I used to get difficulty in all these four classes. So, I used to be very happy in the first class every day which was of Nepali. The rest four would be difficult and boring for me, and I would look at my watch frequently wishing for end of the class.

            However, the level of difficulty was different from class to class. One teacher would never utter a single word in Nepali. Sometimes, she would pronounce a Nepali word by mistake. But, she would immediately say "sorry" and translate that into English. Once we were only two students in her class. Then too, she completed the class without a Nepali word pronounced. So, what is there for me in her class to speak about? I was damn silent all the time.

The three other male teachers felt comparatively comfortable to me. The teacher to follow the "never-Nepali" madam would also rarely speak Nepali; but he would explain everything in such a detail that no one would remain confused by the end of his lecture. The last two teachers used both Nepali and English in balance for lecture and conversation with students; and for them 'English medium' meant only in writing. Thus, my confidence movement used to be like this every day: the best in the first class, the worst in the second and gradual improvements in the following classes.

One day in the very first week, the sociology teacher made us write his lecture on definitions of 'sociology'. He told every sentence that we had to copy. One day, while reading his notes in the afternoon, one word really irritated me, as I didn't find any meaning in my "good' dictionary. The word was somewhat like ETIMALOGICALLY. I tried to find meaning of this word in my dictionary many a times, but I failed.  I was shocked the next day when I asked for someone else's copy to know that. Oh, she had written it "etymologically". I then knew why I didn't get that the day before. This incident led me realise that I was equally weak in writing and reading English as I was in listening and speaking.  Shame on me that I even don't know some basic words in day-to-day conversation!

Such incidents got repeated many a times after that. In one of the internal exams of Sociology paper, Grade 12, I left one easy question unanswered as I didn't get any sense from the word "hindrance." (Even in my more recent past of college life, some remains of this problem disturbed me. I nearly left another question unanswered when I didn't get the word "trespassing" in my BA second year final exam.)

My class consisted of about 20 students, and about three quarters were from English medium schools. We, from Nepali medium schools, were in minority. Besides, we couldn't discuss our problems among ourselves as every one of us was new.  In addition, I was very hesitant to ask for any kind of explanation. As far as I remember, I didn't ask any serious question in the first two months of Grade 11. These all led me in difficulties. But, I was inspired one day from one of my friends. He had joined the classes very late, probably after a couple of months of the beginning. Although being grown up in a remote village, and as weak as me in English; he stood up so confidently in his first sociology class and asked a question in Nepali, "Sir, maileta aaja padhako kei ni bujhina. Haamile kun chai book padhnuparne ho?" This incident inspired me to ask questions if I don't get anything and that our hesitations harm ourselves. After that, I got slightly more active in the class and tried to ask some questions when I got confused.  

It was Grade 12 and we had some new teachers. An English teacher was very interactive to students. He used to take regular class tests and would check test papers in front of the students and allow students to have comments on their marks. One day, he was reading my papers. After marking my answers, he asked about my school background. He also asked if it was a government school. Finally he commented, "If your parents had enrolled you in an English medium school…" He didn't complete the sentence, but looked at my face directly and seriously. My face turned very serious and quite shy. This comment had such an impression on me that I thought it for a long time. I too dreamt that if I were from an English school, I would surely do better than this. This incident also inspired me further to struggle hard for better English. 

I scored the highest in all exams of Grade 11; but I believed that it was all due to my far-better-than-other score in Nepali. In Grade 12, as we didn't have any Nepali paper, I was so scared that I would lose the rank. But, this didn't happen as my struggle with English continued. And, by the end of +2 life, I was convinced that I can do it better, no matter what school I came from. So, my Dear English, please don't prove me wrong. I need you always!